Sometimes in life, we fall down. Today, it is my turn to admit I have sadly fallen off the weight loss wagon. I have made bad choices, and I have chosen plates full of spaghetti instead of spaghetti squash. I've found myself eating foods I don't even normally like - cake, ice cream, and sweets galore. It's been like a Mad Hatter Tea Party in my apartment, and I never once thought twice about stuffing my face.
So, I've fallen down. Way down. And every time I try to climb back up, it feels like the ladder is greased with butter. Bad food is my drug of choice and even though I know it is killing me one supersized meal at a time, I just can't seem to stop overeating. It's comfort, safety and rebellion. It's thumbing my nose at the world and telling it to love me "as is" when even I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. It's thirty-four years of eating my feelings, yo yo dieting, failing, starting over, failing again, starting over again and failing more. It has to stop.
It's time to get back up, dust myself off and start again. It's back to the gym, back to saying no to bread, back to only eating what I need to fuel my body, and finally getting back to good.
I want to love the way I look. I want to look good naked. I want to stop using food as a crutch. I want to say yes to Zumba and Crossfit, and not be afraid of how I'm going to look doing either. I want to be able to sit in an arm chair and not be afraid I'm going to break the chair or massively bruise my hips and legs from stuffing myself into a chair I don't fit in. I want to buy two plane tickets because I WANT the space, not because I NEED the space. I want to wear a bathing suit and not feel like I'm a walking hippo in spandex. I want to lean forward in my new car and not honk the horn with my fat stomach. I want to buy clothes from a store I try them on in instead of online because stores don't carry my size. I want to do a mud run and not feel like a pig in slop. I want to walk a mile and not develop thigh rot rashes or a heart condition. I want to live past 50, 60, 70, and maybe even 80.
And most of all, I want to FEEL as good as I LOOK. So, here I go.