It has been nine months since my last post. I survived the holiday feasts, but added back 20 pounds much to my chagrin. I’d like to tell myself it’s okay, it’s only 20 pounds, but then I quickly remind myself how hard I worked a year ago to lose those 20 pounds in the first place.
Weight Watchers and I have parted ways as friends. I learned a lot from the group meetings I attended – knowledge I will benefit from going forward no doubt. For me, though, the PointsPlus program became a bit of a free-for-all. It is not designed this way and it does work for a lot of people. Just not me. So now what?
I’ve considered a number of diets, weight loss surgery and even giving up. It’s hard to face the fat every day and feel motivated to keep going no matter what. I know overeating and being fat isn’t doing anything good for me, but until recently I didn’t see the bad beyond the pounds on the scale. I was a “healthy” fat person for a long time – in other words no diagnosed health concerns. Then suddenly I wasn’t. At 36, the years of eating poorly are catching up with me and only time will tell how bad the damage I’ve done to myself really is. The truth is that every day I stay this overweight is a day I lose ten years from now. And that, friends, is a stark reality to face.
I thought for a long time – maybe because of my youth and naiveté – that I wasn’t unhealthy just because I was fat. I believed my weight didn’t matter and if I wanted to eat myself into oblivion, then so be it. But now I know how wrong I was. Life can end at any moment, and I’m not going to be around to be an old lady if I keep going the way I’m going. I have to find a way to lose this weight for good, or I have to make my own path. Either way, I have to do something because life is short enough as it is.
So where did this random impetus emerge from all of a sudden? Well, from a place of love. I recently went to New Mexico to see my brother and his beautiful family. I have two nieces and a nephew, all under age 5, and I couldn’t keep up with them. They are my heart and I want to be around for a long time to watch them grow into the amazing humans I know they will be. If ever there was motivation to get healthy and stay healthy, it is these little munchkins. Maybe doing it for myself should be enough, but it’s not. I need more, and knowing I might not be around to see what happens next for them is both scary and possible.
There is no food worth my life.
Weight Watchers Starting Weight: 422.2
Current Weight: 428.4